It is not uncommon for students to leave an essay to the last minute, be it because you are King Procrastinator, because you would rather be drinking, because this is the one at the bottom of your never ending list of things to do…or because (and I will believe you) you genuinely forgot.

I will crown myself King Procrastinator and am only writing this post because I don’t want to do the essay due in for Monday morning that I haven’t started yet. However, I also would rather be drinking.

WARNING: Very little of this is good advice.

Tip number one:

Combine your favourite pastimes i.e. drink while you write your essay. You will find your creative juices get flowing FAR more quickly. However, you may want to do this with time to spare as you may have to check your work in the morning for any sneaky hhhhhhhhhhh’s or a few Iloveboobies.

Tip number two:

Clichés use up your word count. When ever I am staring at a blank page, struggling to get my head around the question I find it easiest to start with a grand, sweeping statement and then hone in from there.

For instance…

It is undeniable that there have been many events in history that have changed the course of the world we live in. From the gender of Henry VIII’s first child eventually leading to the creation of the Church of England to the decision to invade Poland in 1939, the world is consistently thrown into disarray every so often. One example of such being…

And then you’d suddenly decide it was time to address the question and discuss how the Wall Street Crash affected the mercantile class of 1643 East Africa with reference to Darwin’s theory of the proletariat.

Tip number three:

Just be yourself. Teachers like it when you tell them jokes mid-essay, it breaks up the endless monotony of academia.

To what extent was Chamberlain to blame for the outbreak of World War Two?

Whilst I will come back to Chamberlain, I think first things first I’m going to advise you never to sneeze whilst calling for a taxi in Germany…

Don’t do that, but do avoid the hellishly dull repeating of I am going to do this, I will discuss this, there are three things that… these are…

You are allowed to flirt a little with the system. Get creative, find a thesaurus, write in a way that you know if you had to read your essay aloud it would require both hands. Brava!

Enjoy writing! I’m off to bed with my wine!